I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
