I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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