...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
