I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
