I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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