shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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