I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
