Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
