i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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