I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize