i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize