Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
