your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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