1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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