but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
