she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
