I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
