he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize