is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
