We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
True strength comes from lack of pants
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
