So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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