If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She is in my trunk
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
