Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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