I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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