i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
