I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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