her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
