I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
