She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How naked do you want me to be?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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