the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
