Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dicks are not precious.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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