Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
