at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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