if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
