We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize