life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
