I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
