is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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