Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
