i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He better not be in your backpack
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
