I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
last night I used snow as a chaser
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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