You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
