i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
