U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
