think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
