Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
