That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
