I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
