Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
