sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
