Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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