Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
