I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
