You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am available for nakedness
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
