I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize