Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
