I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
