they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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