Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
