She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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