You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
