using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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