so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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