Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
