Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the day after is always just damage control
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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