saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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