the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize