he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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