you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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