If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
