She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
