I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize