In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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