The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
