note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
