If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
