I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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