I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
