It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
