Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
