I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
