Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Still dying that you shit outside
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
