I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
