Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize