Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
