the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
