The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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