I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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