he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
