Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
