I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
